Baby mama seeks advice after having two kids for different men

A 41-year-old Nigerian woman seeks advice after marrying a man who got her pregnant at the age of 29 but never loved her and acted like strangers for years.

The embattled woman shared her story through a relationship adviser, @Remzsx on X platform on how she ended up with two kids and two men.

According to the woman, her husband cheated on her with multiple women unapologetic while referring to himself as a single father.

This sour marriage led to her leaving his house for her parents only to end up with another man whom she had a child with but refused to marry her.

Genesis of my tribulations

I met a guy in 2012, we didn’t date for long before I got pregnant and he said he wasn’t ready. I didn’t pester him, I took it as my cross cos I have vowed to God never to abort. My parents were mad at me, my father didn’t speak to me for months bcos I had disgraced him.

I was 29 at that time just finished my post graduate diploma. The guy cut me off for months all I did was pray and ask God for help. After four months, he called and asked me what I wanted, I told him I would love us to bring up this child together cos I didn’t want to raise my child as single parent.

He accepted we got married and both families met and marriage was fixed. The guy was just starting life as well it wasn’t bcos he was a well to do man, we were ok and lived comfortably. Getting married, he rarely talks to me,doesn’t communicate in any way, hardly touched me. We lived like two strangers.

There was a day I felt terribly ill, I begged him to take me to hospital, he said he’s busy and I had to transport myself there. Days, weeks, months, passed our only communication was greetings and nothing more.

We had sxx about 3 times in a year. When he slept I checked his messages and I saw those he had relationship with, those he told he wasn’t married but lived with his mom and child, I was broken. I kept complaining to both sides of the family they would talk but there wouldn’t be change.

Only our child brought us together. I then got a job, wasn’t earning much but I was able to do few things that I could on my own. Before I got this job I always visited my family house every two or three week for a few days bcos I lived a lonely life. With the job we kept living like that, I had spoken with him, I had quarreled with him, I had begged him yet he showed no remorse. And so I began to plan to leave( he had not touched me for a year and six months in a stretch) I could count how many times we had sex in about 4 years of marriage.

I cried everyday and wished I had remained a single mother instead of passing through this. My mom fell ill, she had Transient ischemic attack and was hospitalized for weeks, I told him and he never cared to call or see her until his mom forced him alongside her to see my mom. That was when I knew he didn’t want me. That was towards the end of that year.

Relocating back to my parents’ house

The new year in January I began to pack my things back to my parents bit by bit cos I had informed them that I couldn’t cope and they said I should since they ve spoken for years n no changes. And in February of that year I left and dropped a letter for him(that was a sunday) he never called me or send me a msg. Until a sister of his called me after weeks (on a weekend)that she was at my house and I told her I wasn’t home.

I called her back and asked if her brother didn’t tell her I had packed my things and left? And she said ‘No’. I told her when he’s ready to be married to me,he’d come for me. Eventually his family came visiting(he didn’t come with them) and my parents and pastor spoke at length, I said i wasn’t going back until he is ready.

He never came, all he did was continue to send the upkeep for our daughter 25k. He’d call to see her, I would take him wherever he wanted, sometimes our house. He had refurbished the house, painted, Changed the chair upholstery, bought a new gen etc. When I got there I was shocked,I cried when I got home, it was very heartbreaking.

That was how we began to live,in May he asked of a document of our child and so I went there without informing him and I met a woman in my home with him, my wedding pictures I had left behind he had put it my wardrobe. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting it. when I left I cried and ran temperature till I got home. He just had this smile on his face that day. He never apologized.

He never called to apologize, that day I met my wedding pictures in my wardrobe, I decided to carry home. I broke down severally in months to come but my job just kept me. This was in May 2017.

Meeting my second baby daddy

And in July I started having an affair with an old friend and just So I called my husband and he came to my family house and I told him what had transpired, that I couldn’t have an abortion and I know I shouldn’t have done this but he had abandoned me and I was lonely and I was seeking his forgiveness.

He didn’t say anything to me, all he said was that I’d hear from his lawyer. Throughout my pregnancy he never sent upkeep for our child nor school fees, I did it myself until I put to bed.

He later called after I put to bed that he only wanted to take care of his child and I agreed bcos I wouldn’t deny him. By then he had moved to better apartment, had a better car was doing well and I was happy for him. One Sunday I went to his house to beg him again, I knelt down and I begged him, telling him I know I made a mistake but it was not what I ever planned, I begged he should forgive me and cover my shame and take I and the kids back. He gave me no response until I left.

He continued to send upkeep n school fees for our child. And he began to post pictures of his girlfriend. Most times I cried, I was broken but I had to keep moving. He asked for our marriage certificate but I told him I didn’t know where it was cos I didn’t know what he was going to use it for.

Moving out of my dad’s house

Well that’s how we ve lived for years now. I moved out from my dad’s house got my own apartment and was living there with my kids and all of a sudden I started having seizures in 2021, never had it before the doctors I first saw said I was stressed, my BP was high and that may ve been d cause, had it 2x in 2021(at home n at work)and I was asked to stop driving,I moved back to my family house,had brain scans EEG and an MRI to ascertain if I had a tumor.

That was the scariest day of my life. Luckily no tumor was found so I kept on with my medications.I later moved back to another apartment with my kids cos my dad won’t let me rest, In 2022 I had it again once while sleeping cos I missed my medication, I was rushed to the hospital and the doctor said I need to cut down on my stress level n never miss my medication.

And there and then my siblings advised I move back to my family house. I’ve only been in d new apartment for just 7 months so I had to move back cos of my kids, and then I decided to stop working and open up a shop to ve more time for myself and my health.

Now I live on medications for my health while I visit the hospital as often as I can. He still pays his child’s upkeep n school fees while I take care of the other. I had to beg him to be nicer to the other child cos the child is innocent.

He tries to be nice to both of them, buys them stuffs and all. He never stops to flaunt the girlfriend’s pic. I still apologized and ask for a reconciliation but he says the marriage is dead and buried and I should file for a divorce.
I asked him to file the divorce himself and I’ll consent.

My kids and I want an apartment to stay cos we don’t feel comfortable in the family house any more. I asked him to please help us out because I really can’t afford it at the moment now and I wouldn’t ask if I could cos I don’t want to burden him at all, as soon as I did that he blocked me off WhatsApp.

He is an amazing father to both kids even though he shows one more love which is understandable. It’s been difficult to let go all this year and at the same time I haven’t met anyone who wants to love me and be with a single parent. I’ve gone in and out of depression but I keep going cos of my kids.

Please advice me

I really want to be happy. Do I file for a divorce and return the bride price or should he? Is it wrong to ask him to help us out with accommodation now that I can’t afford it?

I know I’ve made my mistakes, most of his people sees the fault as mine and none of his and says he’s a man and a man can do stuffs like that and that if he decides to get married it would be wrong to pay for an accommodation, all that is expected of him is to either live with his child and train and not help us out with an accommodation. Is this fair or not? I just need ur advice.”