Tonye was at my place again, complaining about her size, and how she had tried all she could to add weight, but all her effort had been futile.
Damola, popularly known as ‘orobo’, had come the previous night, crying to me about her big size and her rough palm. “I hate my body”, she kept saying.
These two girls went on to complain about their inability to get a guy, and even if they did, their relationships never last long. After a week of non-stop complain, I pondered on all I had heard and compared both situations, but there was no difference.
They both lacked self-love, which in turn affected their relationships in several ways. Self-love would determine your self-esteem, and when you think poorly of yourself, it tends to wreck your relationships.
This lack of self-love can lead to a state of emotional weakness, and this occurs when you’re unable to create feelings of love and acceptance within yourself. Instead, you look to others as a source of approval. It also causes you to see people not for who they really are, but for what they can or cannot do for you. Ιn this state, your ability to love will remain emotionally immature and underdeveloped because what you have to give in return is not love, but rather, your unfulfilled needs.
It is normal for everyone to love and want to be loved, to find the perfect partner to share our heart and lives with. When your self-esteem is healthy, you are more likely choose a partner who mirrors love and respect back to you. Ιn the same vein, if your self-esteem is low, you will likely find someone who mirrors your low opinion of yourself, and who perhaps treats you with little or no respect.
Essentially, if you don’t truly love and respect yourself, it will be hard finding a partner who does.
It is therefore important to remember that your self-esteem and self-worth is yours alone to foster and respect. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”.